Three Tips To Smooth Forgiveness June 21, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — @ 9:50 am

Are you seeing all the parts of your life clearly? Heck, no; we all see things differently! We all have different parts of our lives that we find confusing, but we all … pretty much universally … have things that we struggle with that don’t make sense … the pieces don’t fit and things don’t ring true.

OK, quick sales pitch ’cause I’m still in part an old media guy: one thing that a conversation with a talented Soul Buffet psychic can do is help put some things in perspective for you. Now, back to just observing: if you feel you could use some perspective, that means you have things going on that you can’t fit into your view of a satisfactory life.

One thing I see A LOT of people coming to wrestling with is forgiveness. You were wronged in some way. There’s that anger, fury, frustration, energy blockage … however you happen to experience it.

Maybe you still hope for some sort of satisfaction. Maybe you are aware of the negative energy in your life, but you are just not ready to forgive. Maybe you know you have to give it up, but no matter what you do, the bad feelings still hang on.

So what’s a human being to do? Usually, when we ARE ready to forgive, we jump in and say, basically, “I forgive my offender for doing this awful thing to me.” Then, we stand back and grit our teeth, hoping something changes. Often, it doesn’t.

Fighting ourselves about an act of forgiveness often causes more internal uproar than it does movement in a positive direction. In other words, you might well decide to consciously forgive someone. Then, you might spend more time STILL having hateful, angry thoughts about them and then criticizing yourself for doing so. That just creates more conflict instead of clearing it up. And the conflict is all inside you, affecting you and no one else. Yuck!

There are things we can do to get a handle on forgiveness without jumping in with both feet and then arguing with ourselves. Here are three ideas.

1. Forgiveness is an act. It’s a process. Like anything else we do, we shouldn’t assume that WANTING to forgive means we know HOW to forgive. Here’s something you can read that might help you through the steps of forgiving.

2. You might want to start with something smaller. Rather than think about the worst thing that ever happened to you in your life, start with a smaller offense that still nags at you occasionally. Tell yourself you are willing to put THAT behind you for the sake of a better life. Then, tell yourself you forgive that person for whatever they did. When you think about it, and you think about your life now and the power you have to forgive, you probably instantly feel a sense of comfort or power or fair resolution … or even all three! This is the “weight training” method of forgiveness, where you start small and build as you strengthen your “forgiveness muscles.”

3. Or … as much as you may not want to at first … you can gain perspective when you focus on your part in things. This will help you come at it from a different viewpoint. The Hawaiian practice of ho’oponopono can be very helpful here. This is where you get a sense of authority from your connection to your higher power, and you take responsibility for your part in things, and ask the universe for forgiveness and love. Being aware of your connection to a loving universe and your own human-ness can help put the awful things others did to you into perspective so you can get a handle on them!


Your Brain As A Weapon of Sabotage June 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — @ 2:56 pm

Many of us … maybe all of us … use our thoughts as a weapon on ourselves.

Think about it.  How often are you sitting there, minding your own business, when your brain comes up with a thought or a scenario that angers you, frustrates you, scares you or worries you?

All too often, we just go along with it.  If you were there having a perfectly wonderful time, and another person came over and angered you or frustrated you, you’d ask them to leave!  But when your brain dredges up memories of things that happened … or fantasies of things that could happen … we just willingly go along with it, and turn a good time into a bad time.

Does what your brain leads you astray with look anything like this list?  All of us could probably cop to at least a couple of these twisted methods of thinking.

So, being able to CHANGE your thinking when your brain start going down one of those twisted roads is a very valuable skill.  Some people who are good at this like to challenge the assumptions their brains are making.  Some others just find it valuable to say “Thanks for your feedback” to their brains, and then move on to a better-feeling train of thought.

Many addictions, I believe, come from this desire to just shut the brain up.  Drink, drugs, food, shopping, sex, and so forth … all these addictive behaviors are attempts to make ourselves feel good when we feel bad.

Personally, I like to do the “Thanks for your feedback” thing, and then consciously think about something that makes me feel really good.  The hardest part is catching yourself when you’re in the middle of listening to your brain.  It’s a skill you have to learn by working on it.

So, is this just about selfishly feeling good?  OR … does it matter to other people when we change our feelings from bad to good?

I’ve been watching this in myself.  When I’m working on something and feeling good, I’m really efficient and creative and focused and easy to be around.  That makes me highly productive.  But if my mood changes, and my brain takes me on one of those icky trips to Memoryland or Fantasyland, my productivity drops.

I haven’t done a controlled experiment about it.  However, I’ve noticed this a lot.  It’s almost like when I feel too good for too long, my brain has to step in and mess it up.  So, at those moments when I start to feel less than great, my mood and my focus drop, and I’m less productive.

If I’m working on something to help someone else, I’m endangering the help I’m offering … by feeling bad. So it’s incumbent on me, if I want to help others with what I do, to get myself feeling good again!

Think about that.  How often have you felt like you need to feel bad, or think pessimistic thoughts, to push yourself to do your best work?

What sort of motivation is THAT?  Especially if you’re putting yourself in a personal space where you can’t do your best?  If you’ve got a lot to do, get in a space where you’re feeling GOOD.  Or, at least, better than you were!  Then, get to work and notice how you get more stuff done … which should make you feel good all over again.


Affirmations That Work June 8, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — @ 10:13 am

If you’ve been around new age-y sort of thought for any length of time, you run into affirmations.

You know, things like, “Money surrounds me” and “I am fulfilling my life’s dream” and so forth.

These are the sort of things you say to yourself to help you visualize your future.  The thinking goes that if you see your dream and step into it and can imagine yourself living it now, it helps create energy to make it come true.

I don’t know about you, but part of me … when I say these things to myself … feels that I’m telling a lie.  However, I’ve been come across a woman who has figured this out, and how to do affirmations that really work.

Maria Nemeth is an author and life coach who has written a couple of great books like The Energy of Money and Mastering Life’s Energies.  From her, I’ve learned the idea of Trouble At The Border.

It’s VERY easy to energize yourself in the metaphysical world … you know, in your mind, in your fantasies, in your visions about your future life.  And, once you’ve done something long enough in REAL life, you’ve got it mastered, and can execute it relatively easily and well.  The trouble comes when you try and bring something from the metaphysical world into the physical world.  There, at the border between the two, is where we run into the most trouble!  That’s where the unexpected happens; that’s where the mistakes happen; that’s where the lapses in judgment happen.  Just like they’re supposed to!

We’re humans.  We’re supposed to run into problems.

That’s how we LEARN!

So, here’s where this comes back to affirmations.  Maria Nemeth’s point is that the most important power we have is to be WILLING.  Are you willing to bring your dreams into existence?  Note that I didn’t ask you know how … or why or when or where … the question is, are you willing?

In your affirmations, express the negativity and doubt, and then express your willingness.  “Even though I feel scared and doubtful about how it will work, I am WILLING to be financially successful.”  “Although part of me wants to look elsewhere, I am WILLING to be committed to my marriage.”  “Even though my kids drive me stark raving nuts at times, I am WILLING to be the best parent I can be.”

This acknowledges what you’re fighting against, and doesn’t try and create a future you’re not ready to totally visualize, but it expresses your greatest power:  your willingness to put something into action.

And go check out Maria Nemeth’s stuff. I hope she clarifies this for you as much as she did for me.